Adventures Life Style

My Little Pantyhose The Day My Stockings Turned on Me

I hate pantyhose but I bought them regularly when I worked in corporate America as I often wore skirts and suits to work. In my haste, I inadvertently purchased a pair of IVORY pantyhose (ugh) that were not my regular size. It was a brand I wore often but they were too short/small. Pantyhose stretch, right? Yes... but if your hips, thighs and behind are ample, there's always a chance they won't cover all you need them to cover. I owned one girdle I rarely wore and did not have it on that day.

It was a Sunday, and because my stomach rumbled through most of the sermon, I decided I would make a quick run to the grocery store after church to grab some items for a nice Sunday dinner. Before I got out of my car, I did the careful inch-by-inch hike most hose-wearing women are familiar with. I walked into the store, grabbed a basket and headed down an aisle. I continued to add items to my basket when, without warning, I heard a quiet elastic snap! as my pantyhose rolled down a bit. I paused… stood motionless… hoping they would not roll again. I altered my walk. I took quick baby steps and as panic set in thought, “I gotta get outta here before these things roll all the way down!”

I shimmied to the express register, kind of sliding my feet. Still they rolled. The express line is NEVER express. I stood perfectly still in line, praying and hoping my pantyhose would not reach the point of no return – under the hem of my skirt which fell right at my knee. Curses! I imagine sheer nervous energy made them roll again because I know I didn’t move an inch. By the time I got to the cashier, they were about mid-thigh… which further restricted my movement. I took my bag and penguin-walked ever-so-slowly out the door.

It was windy that day and perhaps because it was right after church and Buffalo is a big football town, the store was starting to get busy as people made last-minute game preparations. I was parked about 150 yd. from the door. I stopped, contemplated sprinting to my car, then decided against it. Instead, I pretended to study my receipt and then proceeded to take very, very small steps toward my car. I was too frightened to look down – for fear I would see the crotch of my pantyhose down around my knees. My face was hot and I was certain everyone was staring. When I did peek down, it seemed they’d stopped rolling for the time being. I felt giggles rising in my throat as I inched closer to my car. “Almost there…just… got.. to.. get,” I whispered to myself and grinned. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I made a mad dash the last 20 feet to my car. And that’s when I saw them… my little pantyhose… looking up, mocking me, from mid-calf.

I fumbled with the lock, flung open the door and dove into my car. Then, I laughed until I was in tears and couldn’t breathe. I took them off and headed home, where I promptly tossed them in the garbage. I don’t wear pantyhose that often anymore but now I only buy ones that come up over my boobs.

Originally Written: December 13, 2004

OneHipSista

Hi. I'm Valerie. Glad you're here – come on in and sit a spell. I've never put so much of my writing online but I share my personal experiences in hopes that I help someone in some way. I hope you find something you read thought-provoking, amusing or encouraging. Reach out or comment if you like. Please forgive the typos, grammar and cussing. Thanks for stopping by.

What’s Good Here

Don't Miss a Thing
New posts are published Tuesdays and Thursdays. Get a rundown of new posts in your inbox or follow me on social media for the latest.
Question, comment or issue?

Please fill out the contact form below and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank You!

X
Drop Me a Line