He was a bullfrog (love that song) and the "Weeping Prophet" in the bible, however, this is not about a frog or a bug. Many summers ago, I named a grasshopper...
We exchanged photos. His was a little dark and grainy but his physical stats were cool – and he seemed intelligent. We graduated to phone conversations and he was nice enough. Then one day he asked if we could meet. I wasn’t nervous about meeting him but we had to agree on a location. I was living in the woods – where I am now and he was from Queens. Let’s call him… Sam*.
Sam worked in Westchester and because I was familiar with White Plains, I agreed to drive down to meet him. It was close to equal distance for both of us. He told me he had to work a half day to finish up a project one Saturday, and we agreed to meet after that. I let my mother know where I was going because that was before everybody and their mama had cell phones.
The drive to Westchester was uneventful and miraculously, I didn’t get lost. It was cold but there was only rain in the forecast. There was a secure parking lot where he worked and I met him there. We exchanged greetings – he looking at me appreciatively. He wasn’t bad looking – tall, relatively slim and dressed casually but nice. I approved but there were no real sparks. He asked me if I was hungry and I told him no, so we decided to catch a movie.
Mistake: I got in his SUV. I had met other people offline and I always met them in my own transportation. Intuition told me he was a mellow kind of guy and I didn’t have any qualms about riding with him.
He liked to drive (I do too) so he asked if I minded if we went to the city. No problem – let’s ride. We drove to Queens. We had similar taste in music and that was nice. The vehicle was comfortable and we didn’t talk too much – I was perfectly at ease. We saw some stupid movie. All I can remember was that it was supposed to be a horror flick, but it was more funny than anything. By the time we left the theater, we decided we were ready to eat. He asked if I liked Caribbean food. For sure. Then he asked if I liked Japanese food. Huh? Well yeah but… he said he knew of a place that served both and it was off the hook. Intrigued, I said ok.
There was a wait at the restaurant, but the food was indeed OFF the hook. I stuck to Caribbean – brown stew chicken (I don’t forget good food lol). I didn’t stuff myself and the portion was large so I decided to take out a doggie bag. Now. I had discovered that dude wasn’t the chivalrous type. He opened no doors for me and would sit in the car for 20 minutes before unlocking the passenger side. (Strike 1 – I’m a f*&% lady.). His vehicle was parked on a side street, with the passenger side near the sidewalk. As we left the restaurant, I crossed the street and made my way to the passenger’s side door to wait. He had keyless entry but wasn’t close enough to unlock the doors.
As I approached the door handle, the back door on the passenger side swung open and out jumped this chick. But here’s the thing: he hadn’t unlocked the doors yet. Which means, she had a key to get inside and was waiting. I ain’t lyin’. She came toward me lookin’ kinda crazy. I automatically backed up like wtf? She stuck out her hand and said, “HI. You don’t know me …” (Damn skippy I don’t. You betta back that sh*t up.) “but I’m Kim – Sam’s fiancé…” Whaaat? I didn’t take my eyes off her as I quickly assessed the situation. I shot a glance at Sam across the top of the SUV and asked him what the hell was going on. Chick appeared straight up loony. I paused for a good 30 seconds.
In that time, I think: Danger!! She has no visible weapon – no knife, no gun. She’s actually kinda pretty. Hmmm, she’s taller and bigger than me, but I’ll lay her ass out if she touches me. Maybe they’re both in on it…plan to kidnap or rob me… There’s a pay phone on the corner and across the street or I could go back in the restaurant and get help. I have cash for the train, but I’m not even sure where I am. I could page H, he lives in Queens – he would come get me or maybe call J – Nah, he wouldn’t come for me. H will be pissed that I put myself in this situation but if I can reach him, he’ll come. I just have to get back to my car in White Plains.
A Sad Situation
My thoughts were interrupted when homegirl turned her attention to Sam, who by that point was yelling, “What are you doing here? Just go home!”, then to me, “Get in the car.” (Strike 2 – Don’t tell me what to do when there’s some crazy chick out here saying she’s your girl and you’re not explaining.) I stood motionless. Asked him again what was going on. That’s when she started to cry. I actually felt bad for her – she asked him whyyyyy he was doing this to her. lol Downright pitiful. Finally she stalked off and jumped in a black Lex but she didn’t take off. That’s when it occurred to me – he told me he had another car – a Lexus. That probably was his fiancé.
I got in the truck reluctantly and slid way down in the seat. When he asked me what I was doing, I mumbled something like, “Dat b*tch might have a GUN – we already know she’s crazy. I ain’t getting shot out here – especially not for you.” She followed us until we got on the expressway, and then recklessly sped off down some street, tires squealing. He went on to say (about 100 times) that she was not his fiancé, not his girl, etc. He said he wasn’t married and she was “someone who comes over sometimes.” Huh? I couldn’t take it. I just started laughing. Partly from relief and partly because I couldn’t believe I had been on a date with such a loser. That pissed him off but I didn’t care. I asked him to just take me back to my car. We rode in silence mostly – occasionally broken by my chuckles. I have never been in a situation like that since then.
Back to Sanity
I was so thankful when we arrived back in Westchester. I couldn’t wait to get out of the car. I think he was gassy, too. (Strike 3 – because he don’t know me like that. Puhleaze. Sneakin’ ’em out, pretending it’s the diesel fueled car in front of us.) Before I got out, I reached for my gloves. They were GONE. I maintain that she stole them – possibly for evidence when she confronted him later. They weren’t my best gloves so I wasn’t too broken up but losing them but it was just another thing to add to the oddness of that day.
As I went [ran] to get in my car, he asked me for a hug. I said what the hell? because I knew I’d never see him again! As we parted, he said “I’d like to see you again.” (You’re OUT! ) Bwahahahahaha. You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me, son. I told him he clearly had some issues he needed to work out and it wasn’t a good idea. He gave me a sheepish look and we parted friends. I laughed most of the way home.
Later, when I reflected on the eventful day, I felt like God was sending me a message. I realized soberly that even though I had not been harmed (I was very thankful for that) and returned home safely, it could have been bad if I had been with someone who wanted to hurt me. I pulled my ad and decided to stop actively looking. That was over 10+ years ago.
(*Name changed to protect the not so innocent.)
Update: A month or so after the incident, the chick called my phone. She said she saw my number on her “husband’s” phone bill and asked why I had been talking to him. I guess they got married?? Forreal though? Mental health is not a joke. I quietly threatened her and told her to never call again. She didn’t.