Relationships

A Guy I Didn’t Know Broke Up With Me How a Stranger Caught a Love Jones

I know. Sounds odd. Before I started typing this I Googled whether it was possible to love someone you don't know. I've had crushes throughout my life and of course been infatuated but if you don't know someone, what is it that you are so attracted to? And how deep could your feelings actually go?

True story. A man I hardly knew fell in love with me. I ain’t lyin’. I was out minding my own business when he struck up a conversation. I thought he was funny and he seemed harmless. I genuinely liked him but when he inquired about seeing me, I told him I wasn’t available. When he told me he was new to the area and asked if we could at least exchange numbers because he hadn’t really met anyone, I agreed [wrong move]. I thought I’d made a new friend. The operative word being friend. I referred to him as “random” until I remembered that I don’t believe in anything random.

We didn’t talk on the phone. He didn’t leave me voice mail or text. I ran into him a couple of times over the course of a few months but we never went out. The second time I ran into him, we talked a bit more. It was a casual encounter but I should have known something was up when he gave me puppy eyes and said, “I feel so happy with you.” Huh? He knew nothing about me. Where I lived, what I do, my last name… and didn’t seem to want to know more, yet he had some kind of crush? I asked if he was an unhappy person. He seemed startled. He said no and I told him I didn’t think it wise to make another person accountable for your happiness. He looked confused. I have to admit there was a simplicity about this dude that was interesting. He wasn’t slow or stupid or anything. He just seemed to have a very simplistic way of looking at life and in some ways it was like he wasn’t… awake. Yes. Awake. Like the years had gone by and he hadn’t done anything. For example… I told him I’d been researching tropical/beach vacations and he said, “I’d like to go on a beach vacation…” like he hadn’t been or never even thought of it. I’m not as well-traveled as I’d like but I’ve taken a few flights. Anyway. I found out he was the same age as me (4 days apart!) which was my explanation as to why we got along easily.

He asked me how old I was the next time I saw him. So, um, not to be mean but maybe I need to walk back that slow thing. I mean, he wasn’t Forrest Gump. “I’m not a smart man but I know what love is…” (Complete with the hands on the hips.) I won’t even lie. I vibe better with men who can spar with me intellectually. Smarter than me? Even better! That means I can learn from you.

Whole Thing Goes Left

After our second run-in, I began to receive “missing you” and “thinking about you, babe” texts and professions of extreme like. Babe? Who’s babe? Babe is a pig. #awkward I know lots of people use terms of endearment casually but I don’t like it at all. I said, “My name is not Babe.” Worse, I couldn’t reciprocate because I didn’t feel anything for him. Then came the accusations. He accused me of not returning his intense feelings (yeah, nah) and finally *shaky breath* he sent me a, a… *sob* break up text. I am not kidding. No, I wasn’t hurt! I have never encountered such drama from a grown man. (Oh wait. I HAVE.) He said he got it now…and he couldn’t keep putting himself through “this.” ?!?? What “this” was I do not know… I’m thinking he was having talks with himself in his head. The only response I could think of was, “Okay. I understand.” The hell I do. He ended with, “Bye Val.” The funny thing was I didn’t feel rejected. I was flattered. Then I was left with, “What the hell just happened?”

I wasn’t emotionally available to even “date” this dude but I get that people can catch feelings quite easily if they are open to it. Or extremely desperate or lonely. It was indeed an ego boost. I was like, “Damn, am I really so fly that a brief encounter is enough to produce euphoric feelings of love in men?” I guess so. I definitely underestimated the impact I make on people. Apparently there is enough on the surface to draw someone in and maaaan if he really knew me? He’d “be wantin’ to marry a nicka.” Chris Tucker, Friday. I’m well aware it coulda been my big booty too.

My theory is that he has a history of falling for unavailable women, just as I have a pattern of falling for unavailable men (Daddy issues). While I don’t wish rejection on anyone, I know how it feels. That’s why I was actually impressed that he was able to say that if I didn’t like him like he liked me (he said it like it was high school) he would have to look elsewhere. Bravo! I would have been cool having a new platonic friend but that wasn’t what he wanted. He said he wanted to “date” me but I’m pretty sure that was code for ___. He was not smooth or slick AT ALL and that was okay. He was simple (not simple-minded but hella dramatic) and it was a new experience for me. I like my whip-smart, complex men but sometimes you just want to hit ’em upside their super smart heads with a brick.

I’m Not Shallow

Besides, you know how I knew he wasn’t for me? The moment I saw him with his foot propped on the low rung of a stool and the man had the audacity to have on white athletic socks with black boots. Oh HELLLNAW!! Stopped me dead in my tracks and I heard one of my friends say SO clearly in my head, “That nicka corny.” HA! Shoot me. I like a well-dressed man. He would have gotten more respect from me had he rocked a brown sock, but white tube socks? Come on, man. Come on. *smh* That’s JV. This if Varsity Bruh. Keepin’ it 100… if I had been diggin’ him and it came down to socks, I would’ve bought him some black socks. #imnotshallow

UPDATE: Since writing the original post the poor man began texting me again. I would politely respond to one text or not at all, thinking, he’ll get the hint. He didn’t get the hint. When he started to demand that I talk to him, I told him not to contact me again. He apologized and said goodbye. Until two weeks later when he texted me like nothing had happened. *slams forehead on desk* #Isurecanpickem

Conclusion

Our paths crossed for a reason and when things like that happen I pray for understanding. I can’t tell you what the reason was for him but I think I know what it was for me. Though I knew I didn’t have the same feelings as dude and had emotional commitments that I knew would keep me from pursuing anything with him, I wasn’t feeling particularly desirable. I was feeling like no one was interested in me. I was reminded that I am desirable, even to someone who doesn’t really know me. I was reminded that there are always options and you must use the gift of discernment and the guidance of the Holy Spirit to make the right choices. It was a message to just keep living. To stop holding on to things that don’t work or working to maintain relationships where I am not valued. Though no one will love me like God, I have been fortunate enough to experience true love and believe that real and lasting love is possible.

Originally Written: March 6, 2017

OneHipSista

Hi. I'm Valerie. Glad you're here – come on in and sit a spell. I've never put so much of my writing online but I share my personal experiences in hopes that I help someone in some way. I hope you find something you read thought-provoking, amusing or encouraging. Reach out or comment if you like. Please forgive the typos, grammar and cussing. Thanks for stopping by.

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