Love

The Same Guy I Definitely Have a Type

Okay, here's something that scared me. I know there are certain personality traits that attract me to certain men. Sense of humor, love of music, food, beer, etc. But I've developed a crush on someone I don't even know. Yeah I'm 36, and I thought the crush thing would go away but it apparently doesn't matter how old you are. I have no idea what's so attractive about him, but when I compared a picture to some of brothas I've dated, the similarities in their physical characteristics were astounding. I was shocked to realize they had a much in common.

Here’s what was similar:

  • Eyes – all had expressive, “smiling” or mischievous eyes. Some had long lashes and/or lighter eye color
  • Lips – full/thick lips with near perfect shape (to me)
  • Cheekbones/Jaw – most had at least one “chiseled” feature: jaw line, cheekbones, or both
  • Facial Hair – ALL had mustaches, with the connecting goatee
  • Smile – most had disarming smiles
  • Hands – strong hands with long digits like that of a pianist or artist

Hair varied. They were all black men so baldy to dreds – made me no nevahmind – as long as they owned it. Complexions also varied – high-yella to dark chocolate. Contrary to popular belief, dark skinded-ed men can be just as much a pain in tha ass as brown or light skinded-ed men. Yes, brothers and sisters, the complexion controversy rages on. I’m glad to just be BROWN.

But back to the mens. They also had similar physiques – broad in the shoulders and chest, narrow in the waist, long legs. Few were slender/skinny. Stocky gets it. The majority were muscular or had a few extra pounds. I always thought my Dad was a handsome man – nothing strange – just a nice looking man. Is it true that women look for their father in a mate and vice verse? My Daddy was indeed broad in the shoulders/chest and narrow in the waist with long legs. I knew that was supposed to be a psychological thing, but is it a physical thing too?

Sidebar: I remember reading something about people being attracted (for the most part) to those they feel have a similar attractiveness level. If you’re…say… a 3, you’re not likely to be dating an 8. I knew a guy who consistently dated below his level but it wasn’t a self-esteem issue. Those were the chicks he had on the side. His main woman was always on or above his level. Funny thing is, he used to treat those side women like queens and they thought he was so fine, they were willing to do anything for him. I thought it was wrong, but his pimpin’ was strong.

Go For What You Know

I’m just wondering if other people do the same thing. If you pulled out photo of your exes or past conquests, would there be commonalities? Do we stick to what we know? Do I have a TYPE? Could it be…(crescendo creepy horror movie music here) I keep choosing THE SAME GUY?? (blood-curdling shriek) Different name, similar game… but physically the same??? Maybe I need to hook up with someone who looks like Jeremy Piven (who I find extremely sexy) just to break the cycle.

Even so, I’m not likely to stray too much from the physical characteristics I listed. And I’ll tell you why – because I know you’re just fiendin’ to know: I know what I like. And I think my choices have more to do with people I feel reflect me in some or many ways. My eyes often give me away as I’m not good at hiding emotion. I’m attracted to men with eyes that speak to me. The kind of eyes that can say, “wait ’til I get you home,” across a crowded room. I’ve always liked lips – especially full lips – on a man. I’m not going to go into why that is. *ahem* I feel it’s a reminder of where we all came from (cue tribal drums).

God’s Artistry

I think my preferences for a defined jaw line and cheekbones have to do with art – and strength. I always loved Greek statues… but there is often undeniable beauty in the lines of a man’s face. As far as facial hair goes – no idea what that’s about. Facial hair is sexy. I love to see a man with his mustache/goatee/chin hair all groomed and clean… though I do like low beards and occasional stubble. Plus, seeing as I’ve thought of cultivating a beard of my own, it would be great if we could share shaving foam.

The smile – I think that’s obvious. Smiling is contagious and most people have different smiles that mean different things: sexy, friendly, goofy, plastered, etc. Hands are just interesting to me. If a man has nice hands, I imagine them gently caressing my satiny skin and … oops – different blog. Got carried away. SORRY. I didn’t mention shoe size but historically, I date men with big feet. Quit snickering. I can say with certainty that that adage is not true. Most are 6 ft. and I imagine a tall man would have difficulty walking on little-ass feet.

Crush Update

So if you’ve visited my personal site, you may remember that I had a crush on a guy and it turned romantic without me doing anything except really thinking about it and being hopeful. Well, when they say, “be careful what you wish for,” they mean it. Turned out to be a really f&*d up relationship. I’ve learned to be more careful with my thoughts, yet I can’t deny the fact that I feel certain people are shown to me as “special”… as if I’m supposed to notice them. I have no expectations, as I’ve had crushes before where nothing happened.

Clearly, I do know what’s attractive about The Crush. At this point, it’s more about desire and the thought of having that oh-so-special-someone than anything. The fact that he shares similar physical characteristics with many of the men I’ve dated in the past is no coincidence. Oh, the chains that bind me.

Originally Written: January 23, 2008
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OneHipSista

Hi. I'm Valerie. Glad you're here – come on in and sit a spell. I've never put so much of my writing online but I share my personal experiences in hopes that I help someone in some way. I hope you find something you read thought-provoking, amusing or encouraging. Reach out or comment if you like. Please forgive the typos, grammar and cussing. Thanks for stopping by.

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