Relationships Trust

True Friends

In all my ranting about being true to oneself, I've decided to say a few words about friends. Specifically - superficial or casual friends. These are not bad people and in all honesty, maybe I'm not worthy of their intimate thoughts. Maybe it's not appropriate but for me, I value friendships in which we both share. Now, I know that not everybody is an open book and I've written about how we have "radio edit" and "extended remix" friends but I've found myself sometimes intolerant and somewhat dismissive of people who don't share.

All Up in Mine

I have one friend who always wants to know what’s going on in my life but I have no clue what’s happening in theirs. All up in my business. I used to think maybe I was selfish and didn’t ask the right questions. Maybe I seemed uncaring, but now I think that people either live vicariously through others or really just want to collect intimate details of others without divulging a little of their own. I’ve often been annoyed by friends who call on me from time to time but have nothing of substance to contribute and then I feel like a bad person. I’m not saying every conversation has to be a Taxi Cab Confession. I have another casual friend who I don’t think has ever told me how they felt about any situation. They have a kind of “speech” that they give (I’ve heard it several times – usually after I’ve shared something) which contains information about a personal situation but nowhere in the speech do they indicate how they felt. Perhaps for them it seems like something intimate but to me, it sounds contrived. I have also considered that maybe people are afraid I’ll mention something about them or their situation on my website. I mention lots of situations but they are my own experiences. The only time I mention other people is when I analyze behavior or how they made me feel.

I know not every friend can be or wants to be a close friend. Most people have many casual friends – where you and the friend are content not knowing each other’s deepest darkest secrets. But realistically, I like substance. Plus, I know how to keep my mouth shut and I know whom I can trust and whom I cannot. I suppose I equate the depth of a friendship by the level of trust. Sometimes I ask myself, “why bother expending emotional energy on people who don’t make an effort to expend any on me?” Not every one is 100% okay at all times. Yes, they can be emotionally healthy most of the time but I know people who act like they’ve never had a bad day in their lives. Oh c’mon. All I’m saying is, I don’t trust people who have crappy days and never mention them. Makes me wonder if they harbor negative feelings. Maybe they’re on their way to becoming violent felons. If they have learned to release negative emotions, they need to help me. I want to know how they do it.

Keep It Real

Because I am so expressive, I like to interact with real people who have thoughts, opinions and who live in the real world. Now that I’ve said all of this, I should also mention that I am somewhat private when I meet people, even as I get to know them. (Trust issues.) But if the friendship or relationship endures, there comes a time where I want them to know where I’m coming from, what I’m going through, what I’m feeling. It doesn’t make one weak. It’s not a sign that I can’t deal. It’s who I am.

I’m passionate about this because I really do believe life is too short to be half-stepping. True, intimacy cannot be forced but I’m wondering, if someone takes the time to be concerned about you, why not take the time to really get to know you?

Originally Written: August 23, 2004

OneHipSista

Hi. I'm Valerie. Glad you're here – come on in and sit a spell. I've never put so much of my writing online but I share my personal experiences in hopes that I help someone in some way. I hope you find something you read thought-provoking, amusing or encouraging. Reach out or comment if you like. Please forgive the typos, grammar and cussing. Thanks for stopping by.

What’s Good Here

Don't Miss a Thing
New posts are published Tuesdays and Thursdays. Get a rundown of new posts in your inbox or follow me on social media for the latest.
Question, comment or issue?

Please fill out the contact form below and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank You!

X
Drop Me a Line