Old Posts

Wants vs. Needs

Sometimes you wait so long that when you finally get what you thought you wanted, it's not what you need. What's the saying? Be careful what you wish for. Needs change. Wants change. I suppose it's an indication you are growing as a person. This certainly pertains to relationships. I know people who say "If only he/she would do/say/be this...", they'd be content. When he/she does that thing, they still aren't happy. I suspect it's because they themselves are not happy. And they think someone can supply their needs.

I think the most important thing is to separate your wants from your needs. For example, I, like many people, want attention and affection. Is that a want or a need? Um, maybe that’s not such a good example, because I’ve read studies that say human beings need the touch of other humans. Heh.

So let me choose something else. How about money? I want a million dollars. Do I need a million dollars? No. Because at any given time, I know I’ll have everything I’ll ever need. Would it be nice? Of course it would. There was a time when I was very needy. This was primarily because I thought I was missing something or missing out on something. Now I know that I am not. When people and the material things of this world are swept away, what’s left? You. When you feel alone and there’s no one you can depend on, you depend on yourself. Because I have faith, I know that it’s just me and God.

Being that close to yourself forces you look within. It is in those moments your needs become clear. Not wants. Needs. Wants can obstruct your vision. I had been struggling with a very large want. There was a man whom I loved a great deal and wanted very much to build a relationship with. I accepted what time he (grudgingly) made for me and made excuses to myself about how busy he was. All I wanted was his love and time. Then it occurred to me that in almost two years, I’d spent less than five days with him! Looking back to the first time we met, I also remembered how he casually told me there was something else he could have been doing. That, I don’t want or need. I’m still wondering what on earth I was thinking. Actions speak volumes but boy, I really wasn’t listening.

For once in my life, I understand that my basic need is simple: love. Sure I have wants and other needs as they pertain to relationships, but that’s the bottom line. Love from God is supreme, guaranteed, unconditional… unfortunately, people don’t love that way. Imagine how different things would be if they did.

Originally Written: June 24, 1999


Hi. I'm Valerie. Glad you're here – come on in and sit a spell. I've never put so much of my writing online but I share my personal experiences in hopes that I help someone in some way. I hope you find something you read thought-provoking, amusing or encouraging. Reach out or comment if you like. Please forgive the typos, grammar and cussing. Thanks for stopping by.

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